We're like a lot better than the average bears
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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