i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
