Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
