I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
