just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
