were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
