those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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