Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
