Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
