he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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