Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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