Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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