I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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