What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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