Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
