why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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