I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
