Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
