Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
