I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
