If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
