I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
