im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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