There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
