Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
