You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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