and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
