I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she smelled like a LAN party
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
