i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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