So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
