I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
