we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pants are for mortals
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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