Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
