I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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