i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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