I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
