He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
