Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
