Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
