i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
