Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
