But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
