Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
