Im at strip club and am horny
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
