dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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