i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
