Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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