I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I understand Curling. That high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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