I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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