last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
