just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
