Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
