YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
