My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
