love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
