In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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