Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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