Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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