This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
from now on my penis is your penis
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
