If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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