then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
