FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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