I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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