Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
