Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
