508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
