An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
