I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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