I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
